Let Grief & Joy Coexist
Season 1. Episode 3.
One of the biggest lessons I learned as I navigated the emotions of my infertility journey was that grief and joy can coexist. It seems simple, but once I recognized that this was possibly, my heart felt lighter. I could more freely and confidently express to others that my tears over their joy were not actually about them. They were about the brokenness of my story. If you are feeling overwhelmed and confused each time your friends share joyous news with you, you are not alone. I hope these truths help you put words to the things you are feeling.
You can be happy and feel joy for others while feeling grief over your story. Just because someone’s happy news brings feelings of sadness to your heart doesn’t mean you’re not happy for them. Other’s joy on this road is often a reminder of your broken journey.
Hard things are complex and it’s difficult to explain your feelings sometimes. Give yourself grace and the space to know that you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Manage your expectations of yourself and from others. The world puts crazy expectations on us for how we are to respond and show joy outwardly. When you’re in a season of grief, it’s important to recognize that your outward expression of joy will look different from others and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel joy for someone else.
Boundaries are important. Relationships are very important, especially in a season of grief. If a relationship is causing more harm than good, it’s ok to love people from afar.
How to find joy in the grief
Focus on the blessings in your life.
Remind yourself about the good things in this season.
Cry when you need to.
Find someone to talk to other than your spouse because letting people in brings joy.
Say yes to the celebrations that your heart can handle. Say no to the rest.
Encouragement from Chapter 11 called A Community of Grace:
“I believe wholeheartedly that we are supposed to rejoice when good things happen to others. The part that I have had a hard time with is the unrealistic expectation the world places on people concerning what rejoicing should look like. I believe we can rejoice for others through the tears over our own story, feeling intense grief over our own circumstances while also rejoicing. But that does not mean pretending that we aren’t grieving. It does not mean shoving our feelings down and putting on a happy face to make someone else feel more comfortable. To find peace as my heart healed, I had to give myself some serious grace. After a lot of prayer, I came to the conclusion that grief and joy can absolutely coexist. They are not mutually exclusive. It’s okay to be sad for me and happy for her. Being sad over my story did not mean I wasn’t happy for how hers was being written. But it takes understanding on both sides and a willingness to be unselfish for relationships to work in the middle of grief.” - Give Grace book
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Ad: Give Grace Book